Melissa and Stacy Calvert

Melissa and Stacy Calvert are exploring their new life together in Carbondale, Illinois. They have been together since 2008 and were married April 24, 2010.

FINDING LOVE 

February 2008.  I organized a Chicago lesbian activity group to spend the day at Dave and Busters, and SHE walked in. Actually, I walked in, as I was late to my own event, but SHE was sitting there. This adorable woman with short brown hair, green eyes, and with a smile that melted my heart right away.

After a day of flirting shamelessly with her, Melissa couldn’t consider going out on a date with me. She had recently broken it off with her last girlfriend, and was in no way ready to jump into something else. That was until we had a five-hour chat over Skype later that week. The evening ended with both of us acting like lovesick teenagers, throwing kisses and googly eyes into the webcam.  Six months later and a notebook filled with all of the ways we were perfect for each other, we moved in. My immediate family saw a big change in me. I was happier with Melissa than they have ever seen me before with other relationships.

GETTING ENGAGED  

Stacy and I knew pretty much within the first month that we were “meant to be”. Like we kept saying: “when you know, you know”. However, we didn’t want to be those typical lesbians and do the U-Haul thing. Stacy moved in with me after four months of dating (okay, slightly U-Haul-ish, but not bad!). Things were going swimmingly! As time passed, eventually our initial euphoria dissipated and we still loved each other despite the “quirks” we learned about each other. December rolled around and we had been “dating” for 10 months. The wise words of advice I’ve always heard was to date at least a year before deciding to marry. Well, I thought, isn’t 10 months close enough?

 With giddy excitement, I began to plot asking Stacy to marry me around Christmas. We were going to spend the holidays with my very good friends in New York, so I thought popping the question there would be so romantic! I don’t know about you, but I like to sort of check in with my significant other to make sure that one of us isn’t buying 20 presents while the other buys three. So, I told Stacy, “Hey, just so you know, I’m planning to get you 3 smaller presents and one really big one.” She looked at me and said, “Me too!” We looked at each other with suspicion. So, from that moment on, we were so happy and giggly about the surprise that we knew was coming. We knew what, but we didn’t know when, so we managed to keep that a surprise. 

The farce of a secret grew even more ridiculous when we went shopping for rings together! We found rings that were perfect for each other’s styles. And they were the last ones the store had. Our cheesy selves thought “Oh, another sign!” We both wanted rings because we both wanted our day. Who doesn’t want someone to profess their love to you and ask you to spend the rest of your life with them?

We arrived to New York a few days before Christmas. Nothing happened and nothing happened. Christmas Day arrives and we’re all opening presents. Stacy had made me a scrapbook of our first year together. I was looking at it page by page, feeling really touched. The last page asked, “Will you marry me?” at which point Stacy whipped out the ring and presented it to me. With teary eyes I said yes.

So, the pressure was on me to propose to her. We were out and about one day doing touristy things and had to meet my friend at night for a performance. I knew I wanted to take her down to the Rockefeller Center and propose in front of the tree. I had lofty plans of getting down on one knee.  But time was running short. I convinced her to catch a cab with me to that area and it was packed! Getting down on one knee was going to be sort of tricky. I was kind of freaking out because there also wasn’t really a place to talk quietly. Finally I found a place and we sat. I was so nervous I couldn’t believe it! I said something that I can’t even remember now and asked her to marry me. Of course she said yes!

GETTING MARRIED  

We decided to get married in Iowa so that weekend was the perfect time to do it, since we’d be in the area anyway! Our friend Jen is going to be officiating our ceremony later this month (yikes!), but we wanted her to do our Iowa ceremony as well. We got her legal credentials online from the Universal Life Church. Yep, all she had to do was provide an email address! Another great place to get ordained is Open Ministry.

So, on April 24^th we made the trek to Iowa and had a beautiful and short ceremony at the Muscatine Arts Center in Muscatine, Iowa. Their grounds are absolutely gorgeous. We wanted to keep it short because this was just to make our marriage legal and we wanted the focus to be on our larger ceremony in Chicago at the end of May. Nonetheless, we both had our teary eyed moments—I could barely get through my vows—and we agreed that our relationship does feel different now that we are married. Weird, huh? 

Dear Friends and Family:

We all know what it is to want to find another person to spend life with. We know it can be a long search. Melissa and Stacy have found each other in a world that has given them difficult odds. They invite us to celebrate with them. They do not want to make you uncomfortable, change your opinion or recruit you to the lesbian team. Please do not feel pressured to attend. But in case you want to have a good time, join us!

Sunday – The Big Day

Sunday morning started early—we had to finish making the jewelry that we promised the wedding party! Sadly, part of the wedding party had to help!

We went to the Newberry Library for photos. It had to be the hottest day of the year! Our friend Ray took some great shots there and in the park across the street and then we went to our venue to chill. I got to my “ready room” and found my guitar there waiting for me. Yep, I had been preparing for months to sing a song to Stacy during our wedding. She had no idea!! So, I practiced one last time and sang the song for my mom and step-mom and no one outside the room knew.

The time came and we all lined up as we had practiced and proceeded in our turns down the aisle. I was accompanied by my mother and step mother, just as I had wanted it to be. I don’t think I’d ever been more happy and proud as I was then, walking down the aisle with former arch nemeses on either side of me toward the love of my life on my wedding day. And the feeling continued as I stood surrounded by our closest friends on the stage and more people we loved there to witness our promise to commit to each other forever. I think that is why when I finally got to the end of my vows and my first public performance  of my first and only song learned on the guitar was about to begin, I was not nervous. I played that song better than I ever had in the previous months. I completely stunned Stacy.

I am very much looking forward to the video of the wedding because I don’t remember a thing about the ceremony itself. Actually, I do remember one thing: the look of befuddlement and fear on Stacy’s face as I said the last sentence of my vows: I have more to say to you, but I will do it through song. Oh my god, that look was priceless! I hope someone caught that on photo or video!

Overall the whole weekend was the most magnificent experience of my whole life! Several things didn’t go as planned, but thanks to practically every married person that advised us (including the wonderful Carolyn Gerin from Antibride.com) we were prepared for that and were able to take it in stride. Now we are among the ranks of folks well qualified to give advice about weddings!

We met our entire wedding party at the steps of the Newberry Library for our official photos. After hamming it up for the camera with our friends and family, it was time to go get married (for the second time). 

Our dear friend, Jen, led our ceremony. It was an amazing feeling to be up on stage, surrounded with such love by our friends and family. We mixed family traditions with our own thoughts for the ceremony.  It was time for the vows and my hand was shaking as I read mine to Melissa.  She beamed at me as she read hers to me. She finished her vows by saying “and now I would like to tell you how I feel by song.” and from the audience, her guitar magically appeared in her arms.

I was in shock.  Melissa started playing her guitar like a pro and sang “Green Eyes” by Coldplay to me. Tears were streaming down my face as I stood in awe of her. She sang the song beautifully and I doubt there was a dry eye in the house. 

 “I now introduce to you, Stacy and Melissa Calvert.”

FONDEST MEMORIES

We glided down the aisle and after we greeted everyone in a receiving line, the reception began.  We gave my dad the job of being the Master of Ceremonies and he did a great job welcoming everyone. We were toasted by father, Melissa’s mom, our best friends, Kelly and Amantha and my godfather, Eddie.

After a scrumptious buffet, it was time to cut the cake. We were so happy that we were able to have Maggie Roeder Cakes create our beautiful cupcakes. We had three different kinds, including cupcakes that reflected our wedding colors of lavender, mocha and ivory. 

As our families and friends mingled, we danced a bit, took some silly pictures with our DIY photobooth and afterwards played some video games with our friends.

It was an amazing day and weekend filled with so much love. I’m thrilled that we were able to share it with many of our friends and relatives. 

Melissa and Stacy run QueerlyWed.com, the premier nationwide directory of queer friendly businesses for people planning their wedding or commitment ceremonies. If you and your partner have already tied the knot and would like to be featured on Queerly Wed, write celebrations@queerlywed.com.